Annual Tree Slaughter

This past weekend we introduced our infant daughter to the yearly ritual that is the slaughter of the evergreen tree. Proudly we mounted the butchered tree on our car and drove it home as the flakes began to fall. "See, baby girl," I said to my baby girl, "we slaughter evergreen trees and put them on display in our living rooms as a reminder to the trees that they are not to mess with us."

I then told her that we further humiliate the tree by decorating it in lights and tinsel and hang decorations from its limbs. Many of the decorations are smiling snowmen or jolly guys in red suits that laugh in the face of this so-called “majestic” tree.  And then the tree is expected to stand there and take it as we open gifts, laugh, and be merry in general. 

And then, when its sap has dried up, we throw it out onto the lawn and curse its needles. We then haul it to the dump and throw it into a grave with all the other composting evergreen trees. The living trees remember to mind their manners until next year after Thanksgiving when we have to remind them again. 

My daughter laughs at the tree also, pulls at its branches, and spreads needles on the floor. I have taught her well.